• Ivy

Que Sera Sera! 🤗

It's early 3 AM and I barely sleep at nights because of overthinking, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression etc. Some days I lost hope on my life and tried to give up everything. At some point you'll get tired of suffering, there will be no escaping. All you can think is how to save your life or how to kill yourself. I dreamt of future, to have a dog for myself, how to make myself love more everyday, to have someone who will be my first and last kiss, to have kids and teach them how to stand up for themselves without being aggressive. Sometimes I wanted to scream aloud till the pain goes down. Sometimes I wanted to kill myself and put an end to story of my life. You know what? we feel therapists will give much support at low times. Even the one who created us doesn't know when you will be attacked with anxiety. We need to wait for the therapist and schedule an appointment when they're available. If you get an anxiety attack in the midnight, who the f**k cares about you? That therapist with whom you have an appointment tomorrow will be in deep sleep while you're struggling with anxiety. They too should rest and get some good sleep to have good therapy sessions with patients. At that point of time, you'll be only left with a question "HOW TO KILL MYSELF?" :) I've read in a post that someone's brother died from depression. He also frequently excercised, had supportive friends/family was successful in school & in work. He had goals that he was constantly reaching but he still killed himself. People who are depressed are not weak minded. They're sick. Depression sleeps in a dark room. Depression ignores calls and texts from family and friends. Depression wants to feel alone but it needs company. It's a disease which is a silent killer. It's need trendy and anxiety is not cute. And this social media needs to stop romanticizing mental health struggles. Instead awareness should be created among people. . I've been through many anxiety episodes which my best friend doesn't even know about. This is how to feels to have depression and anxiety. • DEPRESSION: I don't want to live. ANXIETY: I don't want to die. • DEPRESSION: Just fake the smile. ANXIETY: They know you're taking emotions. • DEPRESSION: Stop working, you are burn out. ANXIETY: You're not being productive. Look at the other employees. You sucks. • DEPRESSION: May be I need help to handle it. ANXIETY: You are just burdening your friends and family with your shit. • DEPRESSION: I feel numb. I can't feel anything. ANXIETY: Don't worry, I'll help you feel fear. • DEPRESSION: I can't even get out of bed. ANXIETY: You are lazy AF, get your ass out. • DEPRESSION: Fuck all, I don't care. ANXIETY: You are going to die alone. • DEPRESSION: Nobody likes me, but he does. ANXIETY: How can someone like your pathetic self? . Finally you don't care from you get that love and attention you need. You don't expect, you'll be tired of everything. Sometimes you'll get all the love, care and affection from a stranger who you know for days. These days I felt complimenting someone and apologizing someone is easier. Talking with a stranger made me feel less anxious than talking to close friend. I always believe that we need to go with flow every time life says you should give up. When someone disturbs your mental peace, just show them your most used finger. Your mental health is important to survive. You need to consider that your body works properly because of your mind. So please ignore all that chatter in your mind and try to meditate. You don't need to do it from now, just take it slow. As an activity, try drinking water at the same time in a day. Keep an alarm as a reminder to drink water. So after a one or two weeks try you'll get used to this habit. You won't be setting up an alarm for this activity. This is how our mind works. We need to give inputs and wait for the outcome which may take days/weeks/months. . The very first thing which is caused due to depression is disturbances in your sleep patterns and food intake. Try to sleep early and wake up early in the morning. After nature calls, get some sunlight, drink a glass of warm water with honey and lemon, do some workout/exercise, have your breakfast, drink more water and make sure you're room is well lit with light. Keep engaged yourself for the day, maintain less screen time, take your food on-time and meditate when you're free and out of office. Try reading books, listen to some soothing music, take a warm bath, light a candle in your room and meditate. Do remember to drink more water, water is more important in your lives because To make your skin glow, water helps. • To come out of anxiety, water helps. • To drown someone who's cheated on you, water helps. Don't forget to drink water and get some sunlight because you're basically a house plant with more complicated emotions. . Try things which makes you happy like gardening, journaling, blogging, drawing, reading, singing. Try everything which keeps you calm. Try setting up boundaries and sometimes you need to disconnect from this world to get a clarity. Take time to decide. Not everyone is ours to have and not everyday is yours. Don't decide when your anxious. Keep saying that "I CAN DO THIS AND LIFE WITHOUT CHALLENGES IS NOT WORTH LIVING" and normalise saying things like • Can we talk about this later after I had time to gather my thoughts? • I don't have the energy to respond to this right now. I will respond to your message when I feel recharged. • I need space right now and I will reach out when I feel ready. Whether at home or at work, for the sake of our happiness few things should become a norm! :) If they're sending you long paragraphs after they hurt you, take your dignity and leave. :) Some days you'll see that you aren't the problem. Your love is beautiful, your intentions are pure. But giving all your love to the wrong people, it breaks and it sucks. And when you stop making efforts, your relationship doesn't end because it is never really two-sided. It was you, all alone. :) It's okay to let go of someone. Fall in love with yourself. Take care of yourself. Fall in love with the path of healing. Fall in love with the best version of yourself in your journey. One day I heard from someone "Just because he loved me doesn't mean I felt loved by him" and that hit me. :)

There's so much pain in people in this world, let's try to squeeze their pain out. Give them hugs in virtual and in real if needed, compliment them, praise them and let them know how beautiful they are and how lucky you are to have them in your life. Let them know how grateful you are for their existence. All these are free of cost. Put aside your ego and self respect. Reach out to someone who needs you and comfort them because no therapist will be available 24x7. Be someone's listening ear and be there for someone. Sometimes you might be saving someone's life who thought of giving up their life. . P.S: This song by Dixie D'Amelio speaks what I feel! ❤️ This is one of my favourite one though! 🤗❤️

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